My vagina can’t fit any finger. Do I need help and will girls mind? | Q&A 002

Q:

“Hi, I’m lesbian and in my first sexual encounter with a girl, I noticed for the first time a difference in my body, I didn’t know what was going on, and the other person was wondering what was happening too, we googled a lot of information and suspected that it was ”innate vaginal adhesions”. In short, during sex, the other person’s finger could not penetrate my vagina because the opening was very small, otherwise the sexual experience was normal and I had orgasms and everything.

“My problem is twofold:

1. Do I need to see a doctor to get surgery for this condition? (It doesn’t affect my life that much and I personally don’t really want to go see one)
2. When I have sex with girls, would they mind that I can’t be penetrated?
   （Instead I feel like my body innately states that I’m a lesbian and don’t need to have the heterosexual type of sex acts. But I’m worried that future girlfriends will mind. What do I tell them about my condition?)”

–Anonymous Reader

A1:

Hi, first of all, I want to thank you for your honesty and courage in facing this issue! And congratulations on how your first sexual experience with a girl went – not everyone can have an orgasm, and orgasms are not always part of “normal” sex 🙂

The physical condition you mentioned could be congenital narrowing of the vagina or vaginal atresia, or it could be a vaginal septum, which are rare but existent conditions.

The vaginal crown (commonly known as the hymen) acts as the opening to the vagina and can take various shapes (as shown below).

As to your questions:

1. Do I need to see a doctor for surgery?

This question relates to your personal feelings and your quality of life. If the condition does not affect your life and sexual experience, and you are not in discomfort, then it is up to you to decide whether or not to undergo surgery.

However, it is advisable to consult a professional gynecologist about the specifics, causes, prognosis, and what options you have so that you can make a more informed decision about what you want to do.

2. Do women mind this when they have sex with you?
The most important thing in a sexual relationship is honesty and communication. It is important that you feel confident and proud of your body because it is a part of you. If you are honest with your (future) partner about your situation and share your thoughts and feelings, most people will understand and respect it. In a supportive and respectful relationship, this kind of thing usually doesn’t become a big problem.

Above all, believe in your own worth and uniqueness and seek out a partner with whom you have mutual understanding and respect. If you are confused about what to do or have any concerns, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a professional sex therapist or counselor.

Best wishes!

A2:

It is naturally difficult to write a reply to this question without examinating the person who asked it in some way. On the other hand, if there is no “complaint”, understood in the sense of struggling to deal with a situation which poses a difficulty, then there is no need to consult a doctor that you otherwise would not want to see.

In the model of brief therapies and the way we apply it, particularly in France, there is a credo to which I am very attached, which is if there are no people, there is no action.

There are multiple ways to be sexual, the human body offers extraordinary possibilities. There can be sexuality around erogenous zones which are not necessarily genital; it is possible to have breast orgasms for example. Your particularity can arouse curiosity in your partner, leading them to want to ask you some questions. It may of course be the case that it does not pose a problem and that you can find a way of entering into an intimate and sexual relationship that is aligned with your truth and that you as a couple will find a way to move towards sexual fulfillment.

Have confidence, and if you ever express the desire then you can always obtain medical answers by having a consultation with a doctor. You can perfectly live your whole life like this, being fully fulfilled.